I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
