Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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