omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
