so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Who died my cat blue again?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
