if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
