Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize