I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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