i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
After tacos, we're chasing women.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
