Sry I called you an 8
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
