This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
