When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
