it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
