They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
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You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
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I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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