Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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