You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
