lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
