Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
