At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
