i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
