Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
