I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
