I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
