PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
