I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
