her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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