I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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