Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
