yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
