1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
it was like his penis was on wheels.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
