Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
