That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
