I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
