He is an equal opportunity slut.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
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Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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