we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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