My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
