The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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