Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
