how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
