You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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