she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
