she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
