after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
did you just send me my own nude
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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