that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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