She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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