Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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