I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
