I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
