i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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