Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
