In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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