She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
