that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
