we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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