i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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