I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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