At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
