11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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