I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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