Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
