Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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