her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
