I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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