and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
