I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
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He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
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He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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