i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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