Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Randomize
