Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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