for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
